Due Diligence

Recently I had the pleasure of going back to Stratford, Ontario after a 3-year hiatus. It was a bittersweet reboot of the annual trip I’d taken for close to two decades with my mum and middle sister. My mother had been to Stratford every year since the Festival’s founding in the 1950’s, and this tradition of spending just 48 hours there each year to watch five plays together (you read that number right) was a bright spot for the three of us pre-pandemic. @stratfest

Fast forward and earlier this month, at long last, my two sisters, mom’s BFF Toni and I got to see Amaka Umeh, who, because of the pandemic, had to wait two years to make history on the Festival stage. Groundbreaking, revelatory and, as Toni said, “Because of Amaka’s brilliant and nuanced portrayal, this was the first time I immediately ‘got it’ without having to understand every line of Shakespeare’s iambic pentameter to follow the story.”

With this new tradition, we experienced four top-notch productions, two incredible meals, and the beautiful new Tom Patterson Theatre. What a wonderful time we had together!

So why was the experience so bittersweet? Because on the last day of September 2020, just four months after Amaka and three other Stratford actors who had played Hamlet over the years kindly did a personal shout-out to Mom online, Shirley “Rusty” Schumacher died. And thus ended our magical time together at Stratford.

Right about now, you may be thinking: “Martha, while I am sorry for your loss, what does this have to do with active listening and diligence?”

Great question! I’m sharing this story with you in the diligence context for three reasons:

1.     D for Diligence is the last letter in HEARD. If you’ve read my recent posts, you know that I began writing a 5-part series about active listening (AL) with a kick-off blog post in March, followed by monthly posts covering Hear and Understand, Empathy, Authenticity, Respect, and now Diligence. I hope you’ve found them helpful and if you haven’t had a chance to check all of them out yet, scroll down for more!

2.     Being diligent about employing AL early and often with your organization’s stakeholders is crucial. To learn more about what questions to ask your donors, colleagues, constituents, and anyone else in your life with whom you want to make a stronger connection, check out my article from the upcoming September issue of Successful Fundraising.

3.     When you look at folks across the globe who have been most successful in their fields (and of course success is a relative term – a topic for another day), there is one common thread: their stick-to-it-iveness, otherwise known as diligence, in practicing diligently to master their craft. The same is true for AL because, not only is it not a “one and done,” becoming a master active listener is a life-long pursuit that takes focus, attention and diligence. My mother was diligent in so many of her endeavors – including giving my sister and me the gift year after year of expanding our worlds through the arts.

In Stratford parlance, thus endeth the 5-part series on active listening. Cheers to Mom and to your continued AL evolution!

Interested in learning more about active listening? Check out HILT here: www.hazeninc.com/hazen-institute-for-leadership-training

Respect: Just a Little Bit…Can Go a Long, Long Way

Have you ever felt so disrespected that you’ve walked away from a job? Or have you been the leader watching your employees resign in droves and you don’t understand why?

Let’s do a quick recap: The definition of active listening is just three words—improve mutual understanding. In our last post, we talked about authenticity and how many people are hiding their true identities from their employers. It’s a scary place to be…feeling ignored or treated unkindly after you put yourself out there, expressing your truth.

Today we want to take this a step further and talk about respect. When trust is broken and someone feels repeatedly disrespected, there’s little hope for improving mutual understanding.

In two recent articles about institutions that used to be lauded and are now desperate to find any staff who will come work there, former employees were so exasperated that they disclosed their fears of being fired for bringing up any issues. Some felt pressure to come to work ill; others had no time to eat during 14-hour shifts and their health began to suffer. Beyond (and because of) tough working conditions, there were major points of tension around low pay and the pay disparity between executive and lower staff.

One example comes from a very high-end restaurant, while the other a prestigious wildlife advocacy nonprofit. And yet, it is abundantly clear that the frontline workers in both organizations have been completely disrespected for quite some time now. Turnover rates are exceptionally high in these workplaces where it used to be nearly impossible to get a job. So what happened? How does this story seem to find its way into every work environment, regardless of the sector?

Both articles highlight rather extreme and dramatic workplace examples (although, very real situations worthy of attention), yet they’re a stark reminder of why we can all stand a little refresh on respect.

Challenge

• Are you treating those you serve with respect by listening intently and acknowledging their input?

• Have you ever felt disrespected in a relationship with a colleague or a manager? Did you choose to speak up or keep it to yourself?

• Can you recall a time when you overheard a conversation where someone was being disrespected? How did you react?

Scenario

Carmen is the CEO of a healthcare nonprofit. Recently, she’s noticed that productivity and morale seem low. She thought she gave clear direction on what needs to be accomplished and specific deadlines, yet she doesn’t understand what’s going on with her staff. She has always believed that promoting 100% dedication to the mission would motivate them. In fact, she won’t hire anyone who refuses to commit their lives to mission-oriented service.

She decides to review a few timesheets—are people leaving early and slacking off? Is there too much vacation time getting approved? She’s shocked to discover it’s quite the opposite. (And BTW, if your organization is still using timesheets, that system in and of itself is worth assessing.)

Employees are logging 60 to even 80-hour weeks across multiple departments. Some staff members report working more than 16-hour days. So why isn’t the work getting done?

Carmen discusses this with her career coach, who suggests that her employees might be exhausted. It takes Carmen several weeks of mulling this over and observing her employees. Are we holding too many meetings? Is my team overworked and unproductive without time to recharge? Have they lost sight of our mission? Am I expecting too much?

She digs into some research about leadership styles and finds data from a recent national workplace survey. Workers have made clear that they need their leaders to move away from command-and-control leadership. Employees are feeling disrespected and are resigning from organizations where leaders are focused on telling them what to do and not listening.

Carmen experiences an a-ha moment and decides that she will work with her coach to develop an action plan. She knows that something needs to change, otherwise the Great Resignation will continue to creep into her organization. But she also knows that this kind of change doesn’t happen overnight. Carmen is invested in the process and ready to make substantive steps forward.

Solution

In this scenario, we witnessed the start of a journey for Carmen as she seeks to become a more self-aware leader. She initially felt disrespected by her employees—they weren’t getting enough work done in her estimation, so she jumped to the conclusion that they just weren’t trying hard enough and didn’t care about their mission. When Carmen came to the realization that the situation might be reversed and her employees might feel like she doesn’t respect their time or promote a work-life balance, Carmen had to decide what to do with this clarity.

Further, as this recent article illustrates, reorienting our Great Resignation mindset to the Great Exploration may be the key to stronger employee retention.

Carmen is taking the right steps forward. She’s spending time considering what’s really going on, she’s talking to other professionals whom she respects, and she’s investing her time in quality research to support her leadership growth. 

For someone like Carmen, a (soon-to-be) former command-and-control leader, this is her chance to employ relentless incrementalism (RI) to start seeing some positive results. What is RI? It’s a term made popular by nonprofit visionary Robert Egger in his TedX talk found here. In sum: “Some days, big strides. Some days, small. Badass movement all the time.”

Call to Action

This month, consider your leadership style. Are you a command-and-control leader? If your immediate answer is no, take a closer look at yourself. This might take time and feel like an uncomfortable and messy process of reflection.

Chances are that if you’re reading this, you’re already a self-aware leader or aspiring leader who is invested in personal growth. Take a moment to think about 3-4 other leaders who you admire, and with whom you can connect about respect and leadership styles.

After each conversation, consider the following:

• What qualities make this person an empathetic leader?

• How does this leader show respect to their employees?

• What is one thing I can learn from this leader to incorporate into my own leadership style?

P.S. Is Carmen exhausted too? In a new survey of 2,100 C-suite execs across Australia, Canada, the UK and the U.S., nearly 70% are seriously considering quitting for a job that better supports their well-being.

The survey also revealed something not incredibly surprising yet important for leaders like Carmen to be aware of: executives are significantly overestimating how well their employees are doing and how supported they feel by their leaders. Yet another reason it’s good news that she’s working with her coach to make significant changes to her management approach!

And most important for YOU, this recent article highlighting the survey results provides helpful tools and insights for “health-savvy” C-suite executives and their staff seeking to achieve workplace well-being, which is another way of showing respect – to your staff, your peers, your boss, and yourself: bit.ly/3ODyqWd.

Interested in learning more about active listening? Check out HILT here: www.hazeninc.com/hazen-institute-for-leadership-training.

Authenticity: Are You Keeping It Real?

Do you feel like you can be your true self in your workplace? A recent study by JobSage shared some alarming results about authenticity: “More than 3 in 5 said that they are currently hiding at least one thing about their identity from their employer and 64% said that they’ve experienced backlash after revealing something about themselves, most often being treated unkindly or ignored completely.”

In our last post, we explored empathy—the most important element of active listening. When we slow down for a few minutes, we can connect with our colleagues and form a deeper connection if we seek to learn more about that person’s identity.

But here’s the catch: these exchanges must be authentic. It’s not enough to simply block off a few minutes to try to understand a colleague’s experience. We can all smell a fake person from a mile away.

In the JobSage study, 7 in 10 reported that they adopt a different personality at work than they do at home. Most often, people are hiding information because they don’t want to make others uncomfortable.

What would it take for us to keep it real and be true to ourselves?

Challenge

·      What is a time that you recall being true to yourself while also getting to the root of the matter at hand?

·      Does your workplace create an environment that champions individual values, beliefs, and identity? If the answer is yes, what are some ways that this culture is fostered?

·      Can you recall a time when you shared something personal in an authentic way and it wasn’t well received? Or how about a time when sharing authentically went well and you connected with the person in a new way thanks to your courage to be genuine?

Scenario

Josie decided to talk with her boss, Indu, about her workload. She was drowning in work, and she felt like Indu didn’t understand what she was going through.

She was very nervous about the conversation, yet she decided to go for it. (For more on why having these conversations vs. avoiding them is the key to work success and general life happiness, see this summary of one of my favorite books, Crucial Conversations: readingraphics.com/book-summary-crucial-conversations. In its Third Edition as of last fall, there’s a reason this book has sold over 5 million copies worldwide!)

Josie shared with Indu that her workload was too heavy and that it was impacting her personal life. She was putting in so many long and late hours that she was missing out on time with her kids and wasn’t getting enough sleep. Lately her mental and physical health were suffering from the burden of work.

Indu shared that she had no idea that Josie was feeling overworked. Indu thanked her for sharing and Josie was grateful that she seemed to listen very closely to what she was saying.

Josie decided at the beginning of each week that she would ask Indu: What is one task or project on my to-do list that needs to be completed this week?

She listened closely to her answer, and then followed up with a brief email confirming what they discussed as the priority. Not only did this improve mutual understanding (the definition of active listening), it also gave Josie something to build on and refer to at their next weekly meeting.

Solution

In this scenario, it required authenticity from both parties. Josie was authentic and transparent about her workload, yet in a problem solving, solutions-oriented way. Indu responded by actively listening with empathy to better understand where Josie was coming from.

The conversation may not have been as productive if Indu had brushed off Josie’s concerns. Josie could have experienced backlash after revealing details about her personal life, causing her to keep more to herself in future interactions because she felt ignored or treated unfairly.

By listening intently and sharing honestly, Josie and Indu used authenticity to work toward a solution that was mutually beneficial for the employee and the manager. Together, Indu and Josie can make sure that the most important work is prioritized.

Call to Action

This month, identify 3 - 4 colleagues with whom you could be more authentic. Is there something that you haven’t shared with them? Would sharing this piece of your identity, beliefs, or values help move you in a positive and productive direction?

Practice sharing in an authentic way that doesn’t feel scripted or forced. This might take some practice and courage to find your natural rhythm.

After each conversation, ask yourself:

·      Did I share something new in a vulnerable way?

·      How did it feel when the listener reacted to my authentic sharing?

·      What’s one area I can improve on?

P.S. It’s important to think about timing and context when considering how much authenticity is appropriate to the situation.

For example, if you’re a CEO and one of your board members makes a comment at a board meeting with which you strongly disagree, having an authentic 1-on-1 conversation with the board member after the meeting vs. voicing your (strong) opinion in front of the other board members is likely going to be the appropriate course of action. Each situation will be different, yet in general, this is when diplomacy and, most of all, respect, comes into play. And… you guessed it: respect is the R in HEARD we’ll be talking about next time!

Interested in learning more about active listening? Check out HILT here: www.hazeninc.com/hazen-institute-for-leadership-training.

Empathy: The Essential Ingredient for Active Listening

Have you ever come out of a conversation thinking, “That person doesn’t know anything about me or what I’m going through”? Maybe it left you feeling like there’s so much more to the story that you wish you could have shared, but the other person seemed rushed and like they just didn’t care about what you were going through.

Empathy means being aware of, or sensitive to, the experience, thoughts and feelings of another. It happens to be the most important element of active listening – the essential active listening ingredient.

In our last post in our series on active listening, we started with the letter “H” in our HEARD acronym to discuss the power of hearing and understanding. We practiced being fully present and listening intently.

Now, with our letter “E” for empathy, we’ll take this a step further. To improve our active listening—which means to improve mutual understanding—we must pause, slow down, and consider the experience of the person with whom we’re engaging in discussion. When you focus on empathy in a genuine and authentic way, you’ll be surprised at the lasting impact of even one conversation.

Challenge

·      Are you taking the time to understand someone else’s experience and allowing the person to share their true feelings? Are you making space to empathize with whatever it is they’re going through at that moment?

·      What is one example of a time when you asked open-ended questions and listened intently to help someone feel heard, and to show that you were being respectful of, and empathetic to, their situation? Did you use mirroring – shifting your verbal and physical behavior to mirror the person you’re speaking with?

·      Can you recall a time when you jumped right into a challenging work discussion without first asking how the person was doing and listening intently? How might the outcome have been different if you had prioritized empathy?

Scenario

Jose came to colleague Chandra with a challenging quandary: how to provide feedback to his new direct report (this was Jose’s first management role). Jose seemed hesitant to talk to Chandra about the situation because he had tried to discuss it with other colleagues, and in each of those conversations felt like he wasn’t being heard, so those discussions went nowhere.

Chandra began the conversation by asking Jose how he was doing. Instead of diving right into what she knew would be a difficult discussion, Chandra set the tone by first showing empathy.

Jose was visibly taken aback—in a positive way. In his experience, no one else had seemed to care about how he was doing or truly listened to him. Chandra went on to talk through the difficult situation with Jose, asking many open-ended questions, listening intently and nodding her head empathetically.

Chandra also “mirrored” Jose, a practice where you shift your verbal and physical behavior to more closely align with the behavioral style of the person across from you. Mirroring helps bring both sides to a common understanding of key points. Mirroring examples include modifying your voice volume and tenor, adjusting body language, and tweaking your general energy level.

Chandra and Jose’s connection grew much stronger after that one interaction. Jose later shared that he felt heard and that Chandra’s empathy was authentic.

P.S. You may be wondering: did Chandra also advise Jose to get management training? And the answer is yes.

That said, as of this writing, Jose’s organization hasn’t provided any management training resources, so his next step will be to have another crucial conversation – this time with his manager about adding management training for all managers in the next fiscal year budget!

Solution

Empathizing is the most important element of active listening. When you show empathy by trying to understand the other person’s experience and listening intently, the listener is comforted in feeling heard.

In this case, Jose and Chandra grew a stronger connection from Chandra spending just a few extra minutes to be empathetic and meet Jose on his level. Note: it’s very important to remember that this exchange be authentic, which we’ll discuss more in our next post!

Call to Action

Ready for your homework? Practice having conversations to improve your active listening.

Last month, we challenged you to carry out one purposeful active listening conversation each week for four weeks. How did that go?

This month, try going back to these same 3 - 4 people in your life and focus on empathy. Ask them how they’re doing. Try to understand where they’re coming from. Make space to listen intently and demonstrate your empathy for whatever is happening in their lives at that moment.

After each conversation, ask yourself:

·      Did I jump right in or did I slow down by asking the person how they’re doing and showing sincere empathy?

·      Did I ask open-ended questions and listen intently?

·      What’s one area I can improve on?

Interested in learning more about active listening? Check out HILT here: www.hazeninc.com/hazen-institute-for-leadership-training.

The Power of Hearing and Understanding: Listening is the Key to Your Success

We’ve all been there. Those moments when you’re juggling dozens of challenges in both your professional and personal life, so you’re no longer hearing the people trying to communicate with you. In other words, in one ear and out the other!

The definition of active listening is just three words: improve mutual understanding. Yet that’s hard to do when you’re feeling scattered, your mind racing in various directions. How will I ever meet that deadline? Why can’t we find a good candidate for that key role? When did it become so hard to communicate with my friend/spouse/partner/family member/all of the above?

If any of this sounds familiar, I’m confident you’ll find this blog post to be particularly helpful. As we jump into our series on active listening, we’ll work our way through HEARD, our acronym for five (5) key active listening tips. First up is “H” which stands for Hear and Understand.

Maybe you’re like me and you want to be the one who truly hears the person across from you, understands what’s being communicated, and then makes a genuine effort to confirm and respond by acting on what you’ve heard. This requires being fully present and listening intently.

The good news? The more intentionality and purpose we put into actively listening, the better we’ll hear and understand. This applies to our work with constituents, colleagues, managers, employees, and even our friends and family. And you know what? When folks are heard and understood, relationships flourish and productive – even magical – connections occur.

Challenge

·      Are you hearing and understanding those around you?

·      What is one example of a time when you’re confident you heard and understood your colleague, boss, constituent, friend or family member? What can you learn from that?

·      How about an example of a time when you didn’t – what can you learn from that experience? And how will you improve for the next time?

Scenario

Angelica is Alexander’s supervisor and he’s been reporting to her for two years.

Just when Angelica begins preparing some thoughts on the subject to share with Alex at their next 1-on-1 meeting, Alex sends her an email asking for a comp day based on the Saturday he worked at an event the previous month. “This is my third email on the subject, and I’ve never received a response from you. May I have a paid day off this month?”

There is much to unpack here. For starters, Angelica needs to counsel Alex on email etiquette – and for that matter, on coming to her face-to-face first vs. sending three emails. That said, Angelica’s lack of responsiveness is a problem. So she makes a great decision: she doesn’t send another email, her next exchange with him is face-to-face, where she prioritizes asking leading questions and then listening closely to his responses over talking.

“First, my apologies for not responding sooner – I somehow missed your first two emails. Let me make sure that I understand what you’re saying: because you worked a full Saturday at the event last month, you’d like to take a full paid day off this month?” Alex says yes, and Angelica recognizes the power of practicing intensive active listening with her team member. Angelica approves the day off and Alex feels heard and understood.

Solution

Clarifying is a crucial element necessary to improve our hearing and understanding, and one of the seven essential active listening elements (we’ll explore the other six in future HEARD posts).

When you clarify, the listener is reassured that you’ve interpreted the information correctly, and doing so provides you with the opportunity to gather more information. In this case, Angelica will collect more intel when she follows up with Alex at their next 1-on-1 meeting when he is rested after taking his well-deserved time off.

Call to Action

Ready for your homework? Over the next month, practice having conversations to improve your active listening with 3 – 4 people in your life. (That’s right, this means carrying out just one purposeful active listening conversation per week for the next four weeks – you can do it!)

These discussions may include constituents, colleagues, donors, and/or anyone else with whom you regularly communicate in your life. Practice framing your conversations in a way that helps you become a better active listener, with a special emphasis on hearing their intent and then clarifying what they said to improve mutual understanding.

After each conversation, ask yourself:

·      Did I ask thoughtful questions with purpose and intentionality?

·      Did I fully hear and understand the other person’s responses to those questions?

·      What’s one area I can improve on?

P.S. The letter H is first and foremost to hear and understand, yet it also represents hope and hello! Active listening gives the receiver hope that the sender has truly heard and understood them. Simultaneously, starting the conversation with a simple hello is a subtle yet powerful way for the sender to slow the moment down and connect more meaningfully with the receiver.

Interested in learning more about active listening? Check out HILT here: www.hazeninc.com/hazen-institute-for-leadership-training.