Authenticity: Are You Keeping It Real?
/Do you feel like you can be your true self in your workplace? A recent study by JobSage shared some alarming results about authenticity: “More than 3 in 5 said that they are currently hiding at least one thing about their identity from their employer and 64% said that they’ve experienced backlash after revealing something about themselves, most often being treated unkindly or ignored completely.”
In our last post, we explored empathy—the most important element of active listening. When we slow down for a few minutes, we can connect with our colleagues and form a deeper connection if we seek to learn more about that person’s identity.
But here’s the catch: these exchanges must be authentic. It’s not enough to simply block off a few minutes to try to understand a colleague’s experience. We can all smell a fake person from a mile away.
In the JobSage study, 7 in 10 reported that they adopt a different personality at work than they do at home. Most often, people are hiding information because they don’t want to make others uncomfortable.
What would it take for us to keep it real and be true to ourselves?
Challenge
· What is a time that you recall being true to yourself while also getting to the root of the matter at hand?
· Does your workplace create an environment that champions individual values, beliefs, and identity? If the answer is yes, what are some ways that this culture is fostered?
· Can you recall a time when you shared something personal in an authentic way and it wasn’t well received? Or how about a time when sharing authentically went well and you connected with the person in a new way thanks to your courage to be genuine?
Scenario
Josie decided to talk with her boss, Indu, about her workload. She was drowning in work, and she felt like Indu didn’t understand what she was going through.
She was very nervous about the conversation, yet she decided to go for it. (For more on why having these conversations vs. avoiding them is the key to work success and general life happiness, see this summary of one of my favorite books, Crucial Conversations: readingraphics.com/book-summary-crucial-conversations. In its Third Edition as of last fall, there’s a reason this book has sold over 5 million copies worldwide!)
Josie shared with Indu that her workload was too heavy and that it was impacting her personal life. She was putting in so many long and late hours that she was missing out on time with her kids and wasn’t getting enough sleep. Lately her mental and physical health were suffering from the burden of work.
Indu shared that she had no idea that Josie was feeling overworked. Indu thanked her for sharing and Josie was grateful that she seemed to listen very closely to what she was saying.
Josie decided at the beginning of each week that she would ask Indu: What is one task or project on my to-do list that needs to be completed this week?
She listened closely to her answer, and then followed up with a brief email confirming what they discussed as the priority. Not only did this improve mutual understanding (the definition of active listening), it also gave Josie something to build on and refer to at their next weekly meeting.
Solution
In this scenario, it required authenticity from both parties. Josie was authentic and transparent about her workload, yet in a problem solving, solutions-oriented way. Indu responded by actively listening with empathy to better understand where Josie was coming from.
The conversation may not have been as productive if Indu had brushed off Josie’s concerns. Josie could have experienced backlash after revealing details about her personal life, causing her to keep more to herself in future interactions because she felt ignored or treated unfairly.
By listening intently and sharing honestly, Josie and Indu used authenticity to work toward a solution that was mutually beneficial for the employee and the manager. Together, Indu and Josie can make sure that the most important work is prioritized.
Call to Action
This month, identify 3 - 4 colleagues with whom you could be more authentic. Is there something that you haven’t shared with them? Would sharing this piece of your identity, beliefs, or values help move you in a positive and productive direction?
Practice sharing in an authentic way that doesn’t feel scripted or forced. This might take some practice and courage to find your natural rhythm.
After each conversation, ask yourself:
· Did I share something new in a vulnerable way?
· How did it feel when the listener reacted to my authentic sharing?
· What’s one area I can improve on?
P.S. It’s important to think about timing and context when considering how much authenticity is appropriate to the situation.
For example, if you’re a CEO and one of your board members makes a comment at a board meeting with which you strongly disagree, having an authentic 1-on-1 conversation with the board member after the meeting vs. voicing your (strong) opinion in front of the other board members is likely going to be the appropriate course of action. Each situation will be different, yet in general, this is when diplomacy and, most of all, respect, comes into play. And… you guessed it: respect is the R in HEARD we’ll be talking about next time!
Interested in learning more about active listening? Check out HILT here: www.hazeninc.com/hazen-institute-for-leadership-training.
